Sunday, January 17, 2010

Ends and Beginnings

I fly to Berkeley tomorrow, not to see Southern California again for nine more weeks.

Winter break has been great. It was moderately productive - I obtained a driver's permit, practiced a little music, watched some good movies (including The Shawshank Redemption) and read (most of) a good book (Ender in Exile), cleaned and organized my room, hung out with old friends, and visited North.

There were things left undone, undoubtedly, but life is given meaning by the purposes we are driven to, and what is left to do is all we are ever truly concerned with. This idle month, a winter without school hanging over my head, has given me calmness and contentedness, relaxation in the house and city I call home, with the people I've known for many years.

And yet. As my time in the swathes of Torrance wanes, I grow ever impatient for my return. For, knowing that I must return in just a few days, to start anew, is it not reasonable to admit a desire to begin? It is like the last minutes for the impatient driver waiting on the last, lagging passenger to exit the house so that the six-hour road trip may commence.

I didn't really like Up immediately after I first saw it, but in the hours afterwards, as I thought about it, I realized it had a message for me. The movie was released around the end of high school, on the threshold of a new beginning. I find it increasingly difficult to discard anything that might one day hold memories, if merely for the pleasure that looking back on them will one day bring. But I watched, entranced, during that pivotal scene when Carl's wife encourages him to appreciate the adventure, and to have a new one, freeing him to leave long-lost memories behind and travel towards what is new and important. And I thought, will I ever have the courage to leave everything behind, and begin a new life, as he did?

"I find I'm so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it is the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain." --Red, from The Shawshank Redemption

1 comment:

Derek said...

If you ever go to the Amoeba in Berkeley, please keep a look out for the following items in vinyl format for me, please. I will obviously pay.

Joanna Newsom: Ys

Liars - Drum's Not Dead

Umm, anything by the bands Boredoms or if you see The Woods by a band called Sleater-Kinney.

I was like 'yeah ok he can look for these for me' and then I realized that when I go into a record store I usually have no idea what I'm going to buy, so telling you what to look for doesn't make sense really.

So if you see any of those ever if you ever go, let me know. Or maybe one day I'll drive up there somehow to check it out. How long is the drive? Five hours? back and forth I could totally do that in a day. I just need a ten-twelve hour cover story for my dad.

Am I rambling?